It has been about one year now since we have returned from Mexico where we were full time career missionaries. I like that term Career Missionaries. We all do in our family. Everyone is doing ok but at the same time we all still miss missions in Latin America very much. We all like to think that we aren't done yet, that Lord willing one day we will be able to return. Who knows if that will happen or not, only God does.
Each member of the family is still dealing with the loss of our life in Latin America. Some are doing better than others, some are still struggling quite a bit. It is hard to relate to someone who has gone through what we have unless you have gone through it yourself. That kind of leaves us in a position where we have to deal with the loss on our own. We do have some people in our lives who have gone through it and understand but each situation is so different that even then it is hard to relate. We never wanted to leave, never wanted to be done, never felt like we were done. Our reasons for coming home were good but our hearts still have a hard time understanding if that makes sense.
I try to keep speaking Spanish, hoping that I will be able to use it again someday, everyday. Again I have no idea if I will but I hope so. It is a losing battle though, the words don't come as quick and more and more often I am unsure if it "sounds right."
The roller coaster with the twins continues. They are doing pretty well and have made so much progress in language and interacting. They really have. But one can easily slip into the compare game and see where other 4 yr olds are and then get discouraged. We continue to explore all avenues to help them and have found some success with this, some with that.
We will keep trusting God to help us, to heal the boys, to make sense of our return. We are blessed and He has been so gracious to us for which we are very grateful. Our Heavenly Father blesses us and carries us, through it all. His presence should be enough and when I am in the right frame of mind, having spent quality time with Him, His presence is enough. Then I lose my focus and so much of this life makes no sense to me. But when I quiet down and turn my eyes on Jesus, the cares and worries and nonsensical nature of this life we live really doesn't matter and it fades into the background.
Keep carrying us Lord. We need you!